I actually thought episode 2 started out much better than last week, it would’ve worked much better as a two parter I think (which many others have said) but by the end of the episode I was left feeling a little bit ‘meh’ about it, inspite of the return of the excellent Judith Light. Anyway, on with the episode:
Sue Ellen meets with Bum and tells him her suspicions that John Ross is doing the nasty with Emma. She wants Bum to follow him. Bum cautions against it but says he will. Sue Ellen tells Bum she was cheated on for 40 years (obviously she can’t be talking about only J.R. as they weren’t married that long, so could this be a hint as to what happened to her during the 20 year gap Dallas was off the air? Could she be referring to her 2nd husband Don Lockwood?) Bum gets out the car and then we see Sue Ellen take a swig from her hip flask (I wouldn’t say she downs it in one, but it looks to be a sizeable gulp)
Back at the Ryland house (which looks much grander than Southfork-hurry up with those alterations John Ross!) Harris is banging about in his study looking for his file (the one Emma stole for John Ross at the end of season 2). Emma asks what he’s doing back, then plays dumb about the file. Harris says that he might have to have her committed for her own safety. Emma gets scared and runs to John Ross who says he won’t let that happen and will have Harris sent back to jail (maybe he could share a cell with Cliff?)
Emma then does the only thing she knows how to do and climbs on top of John Ross while on a nearby rooftop kinky Bum (I never had him down as a voyeur!) takes saucy snaps of the pair (I wonder how long he was out there?)
Cue the excellent new opening credits (the only problem I have with them is the exclusion of Ken Kercheval who has been a Dallas player since 1978 and the inclusion of Juan Pablo Di Pace who is only on his second episode-what gives?)
John Ross then meets with Bum. Bum asks John Ross if he’s ok as he seems out of breath. John Ross tells him the elevator is broken and he had to take the stairs.
At Southfork (more like Slutfork since Emma moved in) Bobby is comparing seismic charts. He decides to have new ones drawn up. Then Ann insists he comes to bed so they can watch Duck Dynasty (unlucky, bet he wishes he was going to get some of what John Ross has had). There’s a knock at the door, it’s officer Derrick to tell him that Harris has been released from jail. Bobby’s, understandably, fuming. He and Ann go to see their attorney friend Ellis (isn’t he the one that was responsible for Vicente Cano escaping? good job the Ewings still trust him, though I bet his heart sinks every time they show up) naturally they don’t like what he tells them and Bobby says they’ll go to their senator friend instead (why didn’t they just do that in the first place?)
Over at Ewing Global Pamela sees John Ross flirting with his new secretary Candice (how many women does this guy want?!) she looks a little miffed. Nicholas then shows up and Christopher shows him there are no hard feelings (and there’ll be even less if he takes Elena, Carmen & Drew away with him when he leaves town) by inviting him to the Ewing Barbecue that weekend. (a true self made billionaire can always find time for a good barbecue!)
Later he and Elena are at her apartment while she continues to look for ‘evidence’ that the Ewings framed Cliff and they plan to put them all in jail for doing it. (I truly hope that this storyline will lead to the end of the Ramos family’s time on Dallas. All three are bland, dull and unfocused, uninspiring characters and have absolutely no reason to be in Dallas. Why would she want Bobby and Christopher, two people who have never done her wrong, put in jail-what’s Ann ever done but be kind to her?)
Anyway, John Ross goes to see Ewing Global’s seismic man, Howard Reider. He offers him a bribe for Howard to show that the shale is within john Ross’s surface rights.
Back at Southfork Pamela is by the pool when John Ross finally arrives home she says they were supposed to make a decision about the centrepieces for the wedding, then tells him off for being ‘all over’ his secretary in the office (if she thinks that’s bad she should see what he did to Emma!) before telling him “If I find out you’ve been stepping out on me, God’s wrath will be the least of your worries” (I don’t know what God has to do with John Ross sleeping around but Tommy Sutter knows only too well what can happen when Pamela gets riled!)
On the ranch Christopher sees Heather, she’s angry about the forthcoming fracking on Southfork. He tells her it’s John Ross’s fault (the snitch) then, naturally, he placates her by inviting her to the Ewing barbecue (an invite to the Ewing barbecue can placate all manner of ills, death, fire, robbery etc etc) I don’t get why she wouldn’t already be invited though, she works on Southfork and the Ewings give invites out like candy.
On the day of the barbecue we see Carmen fussing in the kitchen (please Mrs. C just get rid) when Elena comes in and tells her Joaquin will be there and they can’t reveal they know him. Carmen is angry, but goes along with it all the same.
Back at Ryland towers Harris is in his office when he hears a thumping sound in the corridor. He withdraws his gun and prepares to fire when Judith enters, followed by Emma (I’m totally confused as to where she actually lives. First she was in England, then Ryland towers, then Southfork, then Ryland towers and now she seems to have rooms at both addresses) “Let’s not shoot Mommy on her first day home!” Judith tells him. It’s strange but Judith looks younger this season than she did in season 2. She looks just barely older than Harris. Could they really be mother and son?
She tells him she’s removed him as the head of Ryland Transportation. He tells her about his business with the drug dealers, she tells him to set up an appointment. “It’s time to renegotiate” she says.
Back at Southfork the barbecue (wildly enjoyed by all 10 people there) is in full swing. Two familiar faces are missing and that’s Ray and Lucy. They were there at the first season barbecue so why aren’t they at this one? (I’m wondering if it’s a budget move so that when they appear at John Ross and Pamela’s wedding they can be onscreen for longer than 5 seconds apiece)
Pamela sees John Ross flirting with another young woman (this guy’s incorrigible!) to get her own back she dances with Nicholas (who’s no doubt loving the fact that while Elena’s slaving away to take down the Ewings he gets to eat their food, drink their beer and dance with their wives)
Bum tells Sue Ellen that John Ross didn’t go anywhere near Emma.
Elsewhere on the ranch Bobby meets with Howard who tells him about the bribe John Ross gave him. Bobby lets him keep it. At the BBQ Christopher and Nicholas are talking. Nicholas tells Chris he’s impressed with the team at Ewing Global (er, what team?) especially Elena Ramos (hahaha! as if, is this the same Elena that hasn’t really done anything since appearing in Dallas in 2012?)
In the kitchen Nicholas enters, Ann leaves and Carmen tells him “if you’re leading either of my children into the darkness, not even St Christopher will be able to save you” (as he wears a St Christopher’s medal round his neck)
Back outside Nicholas wants Elena to show him the sights of Dallas (hopefully they won’t come back) following this Heather can no longer control her attraction and kisses Christopher. She tells him she’s interested when he’s ready (give him 2 seconds to get over Elena)
Back in Bobby’s study (previously known as the dining room) Howard tells Bobby and John Ross that the shale is within John Ross’s surface rights. Christopher tells them he has something on Nicholas and says that he and Cliff probably never worked together before but something must link them together (try Elena!)
John Ross says he’s fracking Southfork (it’s a pity that when Miss Ellie said to Bobby no drilling on Southfork she neglected to say ‘and don’t let any of your future wives touch my house!)
Elena thinks she’s found a juicy morsel in an email from Rhonda Simmons (the women who testified to Cliff being in Nuevo Laredo the night J.R. was shot) Bum and John Ross meet. Bum tells John Ross that J.R. cheating on Sue Ellen was a sin (amen!) and that he should grow into his father’s greatness not his weakness.
Speaking of Nuevo Laredo Judith and Harris are in town to meet with one of Harris’s shady new pals. Here’s where it gets a bit silly as Judith encourages the guy to frisk her in quite a sexual way (I guess Emma must take after her) before getting her head down and doing a couple of lines of cocaine (not sure this fits into Dallas) “Hot damn. Mama like!” she proclaims. Harris (travelling at the speed of sound) is soon back in his office when he reveals he had a tape recorder on him which picked up the whole conversation. Then he gets a call around the same time Bobby does from his senator friend Joe McAllister.
Driving out of Southfork Bobby and Ann are stopped by two cars. A man gets out, reveals a gun and says they have to go with them (of course they do, no questions asked whatsoever-not that Bobby should be worried, the guy’s come back to life once, he can do it again)
In some darkened room (how much does a bulb cost nowadays) Bobby and Ann come face to face with CIA agents who then reveal that Harris is working with them to bring down the Mendez-Ochoa cartel (personally I find this a bit of a ridiculous twist). Harris tells Ann that her and Emma’s lives will be in danger if the cartel finds out that he’s now working with the CIA!