I should have posted this ages ago, but for anyone who wants/needs a catch up-here it is! I thought this episode was ok, certainly better than the previous week though quality wise it isn’t much better or worse than the previous episodes. Sadly, at the moment, Dallas 2.0 is still nothing to write home about.
The episode opens with Dallas 2.0’s most pointless character pacing the floor of her apartment when Nicholas enters via the elevator (why doesn’t this man have more important things to do, a self made billionaire with no end of time on his hands! When he’s not entangled with Mexican drug cartels that is) Elena and he hug, she says she can’t forget the ‘tortured’ (that’s one word for it!) look in Drew’s eyes over everything that JR did to their family (not that he did anything because the Ramos family don’t exist in the original Dallas) I’m glad to hear her actually admit that it was only JR (even though it wasn’t) that did anything to her family (they would be the ones that are slowly taking over Dallas) why then does she continue her quest for ‘justice’ (yawn!) against the Ewings that have been good to her? Truly another nonsensical plot development from the production team that also can’t decide which direction Dallas 2.0 should actually go in, is it a family drama or a crime thriller, a feud between two cousins or a feud between an extremely bland family and their would be employers? Who knows! Elena says ‘this has all gotten way too ugly (is she talking about her ridiculous so-called quest for ‘justice’ or Dallas itself?) she sounds like she wants to back off but Nicholas pushes her to continue. I think she should maybe question why it’s her family that’s been wronged but Nicholas (who first didn’t grow up with her family, then he did, then the family were in Mexico, then they weren’t…) is the one who’s pushing for it to continue.
Over at Southfork John Ross is talking with people who have come to measure up Southfork for an extension (of course if Mrs C and co had just stuck to the original interior design of the house-and who cares whether or not it defies reality-they would have ample room! He’s talking designs with them when Angry Uncle Bobby appears (I preferred the character in the original, he’s nothing but grumpy in this incarnation) He tells John Ross that he’ll build on Southfork over ‘his dead body’ (which is likely to be the end result given how high Bobby’s blood pressure must be from yelling at John Ross all the time!)
Rant over Bobby struts off to find his chicken while John Ross gets back to it. Inside John Ross (who never learned how to do joined up writing) has left Pamela a note telling her to follow the trail of rose petals for a morning surprise! (I wish the surprise had been the original interior sets of Southfork but alas no) As she follows them she sees the sex tape vid of John Ross and Emma that Nicholas sent to her, setting off in her what I can only describe as Pamela II: The Rage! (Cue opening credits!)
Upstairs Chris awakes and looks at the marks on his hand from his fist fight with Drew (the one where he let Drew get away and didn’t bother notifying the police for a few hundred hours) he shaves his beard off (just to give him something to do whilst he and Bobby can team up against John Ross again) he goes to see Heather, who’s busy feeding the cattle, with a thermos of hot chocolate (surely far too rich for that time in the morning!) and a box of something (hope it’s not Bobby’s chicken!) He tells her that she’s a breath of fresh air in his life (and in TNT Dallas in general) and that if she’ll have him he’d like to take the next step in their relationship (which is presumably resigning as Bobby’s deputy and teaming up with her instead) she tells him that she can’t risk her son having his heart broken by another man no matter how much she wants him in her life (sounds pretty clear to me but Chris persists nonetheless-can’t blame the guy for trying!) Heather then gets a call that Bo went to Michael’s school and took Michael (gasp!) the two race off.
Back at the house John Ross finds that Pamela is missing (he’s just lucky she hasn’t used her telekinetic powers to destroy the place!) he gets a call from Bum (glad he’s back, I still think he should have his own spin-off) Bum tells John Ross that he has the information on Candace and that they have a problem. Over at the market Carmen (Personally I don’t like the character, mainly because the Ramos clan have been shoehorned into the backstory of the original when everyone knows they were never there to begin with and are badly written, bland characters who don’t add anything of value to the show) is shopping for fruit and veg-making sure she gets her five a day-when she’s approached by Drew who tells her he ‘needs to make things right’ (and he can start by leaving Dallas for good and taking Carmen, Elena and Nicholas with him) every scene between the Ramos family just feels very flat and forced to me, but I’m sure they have their admirers somewhere. He gives Carmen a letter to give to Emma (no doubt it says ‘if you’re planning a threesome, please don’t forget to invite me’) before he leaves again.
Over at Southfork Ann and Sue Ellen are talking about Sue Ellen’s struggles with the bottle, Ann tells Sue Ellen she’s proud of her for facing it. (when I first read Sue Ellen was going to start drinking again I was quite interested to see how it would develop, however now I think they should never have gone down that road. All it’s done is serve to weaken a character that was much more interesting at the start of the series as a wealthy, confident businesswoman who had exercised her demons and who was going for even greater things by trying to get elected as governor of Texas. I personally think they should have had her win the election)
As Ann makes them both a brew Sue Ellen looks down the hallway and sees water coming from under Pamela’s bathroom door. Running in they find Pamela (John Ross obviously didn’t look too hard!) sitting by an overflowing bath tub staring into space. After bringing her back into the bedroom Sue Ellen asks her what the matter is and Pamela hands her the phone with the sex tape on (is there anyone in Dallas who hasn’t seen it by now?) They do their best to reassure Pamela that the affair between John Ross and Emma is over. Pamela is upset that they both know about it (it’s funny how short a memory everyone has in Dallas, this is the woman who came to town having perpetrated a con to defraud her own cousin of his methane patents-whatever happened to that storyline-by marrying him and she also committed murder and had Rebecca Sutter also killed-that doesn’t seem to matter to Ann and Sue Ellen though, those ladies have hearts as big as Texas!) Pamela orders them both out.
Naturally after such a confrontation there’s nothing else for the ladies to do except crack on with a bit of housework which Ann does while Sue Ellen nervously eyes a bourbon decanter (so much for looking after her!) Sue Ellen says she needs to get out of the house (don’t we all) when Bobby overhears them talking. Ann has little option but to tell him about John Ross and Emma’s affair. He lays into Ann saying why is she keeping things from her husband and that they’re supposed to be partners (look who’s talking!) Needless to say he’s not too chuffed. Bobby believes it was Emma who sent Pamela the video and he wants her out of the house.
Of course he then goes to see Christopher, his second in command, but he’s got his hands full with Bo having taken Heather’s son, Michael, out of school and disappeared with him. Christopher sends Heather home and says he’ll check it out. Of course Bobby wants to come along.
Across town John Ross calls in to see Candace. John Ross tells her he knows she used to be a call girl and guesses she was working for Harris. He says if she tells him why Harris got the girls to come on to him at the brothel and why he wanted her to sleep with him then he’ll help her keep her apartment and pay her bills.
Over at pointless characters HQ Elena and Carmen are talking about Drew (yawn) Carmen says maybe Drew will go back to Mexico and stay there (let’s hope so, and with any luck he’ll take those two with him)
Meanwhile at Judith’s whorehouse John Ross pays her a visit and says Candace will testify that she and Harris tried to get him to sleep with a minor. Judith says Harris did what he did to protect Emma. Judith asks him what his intentions towards Emma are and that she and Harris will do everything in their power to protect her.
After John Ross leaves the book case swings open and out pops Emma (as you do) having heard the whole conversation. She doesn’t seem at all phased by John Ross’s revelations though that as a married man he isn’t intending to get serious with her.
In a multi-story car park somewhere Joaquin aka Nicholas (Dallas’s most unconvincing billionaire) is meeting with Drew who mumbles something about all the bad choices he’s made having been as a result of what JR did to his father (which of course isn’t true at all as the Ramos family have never existed in Dallas) Nicholas tells him he and Elena have put in place an ‘intricate plan’ which will take everything from the Ewings (of course it will)
Drew runs out and Nicholas follows but, being the champion runner he is (not to mention former army sharpshooter) he’s soon out of sight despite Nicholas chasing after him immediately. Anyway, Nicholas gets straight on the blower to the cartel mad man Luis and tells them Drew’s done a runner. (Let me just say that the whole, the cartel-personally I preferred the one that had Jordan Lee and Marilee Stone in it-needs Ewing Global to overthrow the Mexican government as completely ridiculous and another nail in the coffin of what could have been a very successful continuation of an iconic show)
Bobby and Chris get a call from Sheriff Derrick who tells them Bo’s car has been spotted at the rodeo and that Bo and Michael are there (phew, no more sleepless nights for me!)
Chris and Bobby head over there.
Over at Ewing Global John Ross gets a call from Emma (why doesn’t anyone’s phone ring on Dallas? It’s just endlessly vibrating handsets) he tells her Candace has told him about the dress. Emma says she’s being trained to take over Ryland Transport by Judith (does anyone still work there? Judith seems preoccupied with her brothel and Harris is shacked up with the CIA-who’ll be doing the training?)
Chris arrives at the rodeo and Heather and Michael are reunited. Chris tells her that he’s in ‘all the way’ (of course we all now know that lasted all of 5 minutes!) Bo’s brother tells Heather that Bo picked a fight with five cops and then ran off (that Bo, such a keeper!) he tells Bobby, Christopher and Heather that Bo is heading for Dallas and ‘coming for everyone at Southfork’ (ooh scary!)
Nicholas tells Elena that Drew’s hopefully headed back to Mexico (I wish) Elena tells him that she can’t keep lying like this (the first sensible thing she’s ever said) and that she feels she’s been in a fog thirsting for revenge (actually it’s called a bad storyline) again she repeats the nonsense that JR hurt her father (no he didn’t)
Nicholas tells her she’s his destiny (actually the destiny for them all will be the television graveyard if the ratings don’t improve)
Ann goes to see Dallas’s favourite anti-hero Harris and tells him that Emma has to move back in with him (I think Ann should move back in too, she’s much better with Harris than she is with Bobby) one thing leads to another and Harris kisses her while watched by Judith.
Back at Boredom Towers Nicholas punctures Elena’s diaphragm (too bad she doesn’t make him wear a condom!)
Over at Southfork Sue Ellen finds Pamela standing outside. She tells her she kept her knowledge of John Ross’s affair to protect her from the pain. Pamela tells her that she’s not her and is not a weak, snivelling drunk (steady on love! actually Sue Ellen is 100 times stronger than Pamela Rebecca-who is actually a borderline psychopath with daddy issues-will ever know how to be)
Pamela tracks John Ross to the Omni Hotel using her phone (the wonders of modern technology!) and goes out. Sue Ellen gets on the sauce (how responsible of Bobby and Ann to keep a fully stocked drinks cabinet with an alcoholic in the house!) she’s as thirsty as ever and soon drains the bottle before finding more and subsequently passing out.
Over at the Omni John Ross and Emma are getting frisky when who should enter but Pamela (with Bobby’s chicken) she asks if she can join them while John Ross looks nervous (personally I didn’t have a problem with the threesome scene, but I felt it isn’t right for Dallas, it’s never what the show was about and while-in the original-they did push what were then television boundaries it felt more tastefully done)
Things are getting steamy (that Josh Henderson is a very lucky chap) when Pamela begins choking (as you do) John Ross tells Emma to call 911. Over at Southfork a fire has broken out (just like in the original) but who lit it?! Bobby and Chris pull into the driveway and head inside shouting for Ann and Sue Ellen. Part of the ceiling then collapses!
Next: season three episode 9-Denial, Anger, Acceptance (the emotions of a Dallas TNT viewer)