Dallas cancelled

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It’s official, Dallas has been cancelled. I have to say I’m a little disappointed, though I’m not surprised. Personally I felt it still had potential, but not without major changes needing to be made. I think it was mishandled right from the start and viewers were given a taste of what was in store with the change to the inside of Southfork and the introduction of the Ramos family, who were never there in the original series but now fans were suddenly being asked to accept that they were there they were just ‘not seen’ (yeah, right) This coupled with numerous and nonsensical plot twists, character developments, careless continuity errors, poor writing and a major black hole as to what had happened to the characters in the previous 20 years (Katherine’s supposed death, Cliff’s extremely puzzling character change-given that when the original ended he had ended the feud with the Ewings) among other things are, in my opinion what sowed the seeds of Dallas’s destruction. Apparently there’s a fan campaign at the moment to get the show renewed on another network but if it’s going to be with the current writers and producers along for the ride I really don’t see the point. They’ve messed it up once already, what’s to stop them doing it all over again?

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Season 3 Episode 9: Denial, Anger, Acceptance

This was the first episode back after the season break, and though it wasn’t much of a cliffhanger (because it was fairly obvious none of those in danger were going to die) it was a good episode overall, though I felt it suffered slightly from a bit of a weak second half, and highlighted the Ewings as a family (which is something Dallas TNT really needs to do more often)
Anyway, as the episode opens we’re back on the ranch and Southfork is ablaze. Trapped inside are Sue Ellen, Bobby & Christopher and Bo (ranch hand Heather’s former squeeze)

Southfork burns (again!)

Southfork burns (again!)


Bobby and Chris come to and start looking to help the others in the house. They lift a table off Bo (who’s still alive) and Bobby sets about looking for Ann (believing she’s inside) and Sue Ellen (and his chicken) while Chris hauls Bo outside. Over at the Omni Hotel, John Ross’s kinky threesome has gone awry following Pamela’s surprise overdose (which apparently she did to ensure that every time John Ross and Emma had sex all they’d be able to think about was her vomiting on them! Talk about ridiculous) anyway he’s pumping Pamela’s chest (she’s looking rather pasty) while Emma dithers in the corner phoning for an ambulance.
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The paramedics arrive at the door and bundle Pamela onto a stretcher. They ask John Ross if she has a history of suicide attempts (he says no but doesn’t mention she’s killed someone, had someone killed, committed fraud, married two cousins, had a miscarriage and her father is locked up in a Mexican jail having taken all leave of his senses and become a super villain)
They dash out followed by a topless John Ross and leave trampy Emma standing in her corset. Cue opening credits!
Over at the bore-a-thon penthouse Elena and Nicholas (yawn! Looks like we’ll be seeing much more of these two in the years to come-should Dallas be renewed of course) are in bed groping each other. Naturally she has no knowledge of his tampering with her diaphragm, but why doesn’t she just ask him to wear a condom? and while I’m on the subject, Elena seems like the easiest person to get into bed ever. First she’s engaged to Christopher, then she gets an email saying he can’t go through with it, so she leaves him for John Ross and gets engaged to him, then she leaves him for Christopher again (having found out that Christopher didn’t actually send that nasty email), then she and Christopher have a falling out and she winds up with Nicholas-I can’t say how much I loathe this character)
Anyway, her phone goes and it’s Carmen telling her there’s a fire at Southfork! (Gasp!) She dashes out to the hospital. Over at which Bobby and Chris are talking (check out their matching plasters!) when they see Pamela brought in on a stretcher. I like how quickly they’ve all forgotten what a villain she was in the first season. Having said that, they way characters on the show change personalities it’s perhaps not such a big surprise after all.
Check out the matching band-aids on Bobby and Deputy Chris!

Check out the matching band-aids on Bobby and Deputy Chris!


John Ross arrives (cue another Bobby Chris team up!) Bobby pushes him against a door exclaiming ‘because of you’re cheating Pamela could die!’ (and because of Pamela Tommy, Rebecca and Frank did die) Christopher tells Bobby he’s not worth it just as slut Emma shows up proclaiming innocence about how the sex tape got to Pamela. Chris crows to John Ross about the fire and tells him Sue Ellen was inside before he struts off after Bobby (I actually feel sorry for John Ross, there’s hardly one person on the show who has anything nice to say to him-aren’t these people supposed to be a family?)
Over at Rylandstein Towers Harris is eyeing a picture of a young Ann when Judith enters and recounts a very odd story about Harris needing to suckle on her breast as a baby (there’s one for the grandkids if ever I heard one!) she tells him she saw him kissing Ann.
back at the hospital Elena enters and tells Chris she’s glad he’s ok. They hug just as Heather enters with Michael (who’s paranormal powers seem to be on the wane sadly) Chris tells her he thinks that Bo set the fire but Heather says she needs to hear him say it first or she doesn’t believe it. Emma tries to help John Ross but he coldly rebuffs her (ouch!) just as Ann arrives. (I thought it was nice to see them all together, there should be more scenes like this) Bobby tells Ann that Pamela overdosed and she tells Emma she has to move out of Southfork.
Elena gets on the phone to Nicholas and tells him a ranch hand set the fire (whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty!) and that at first she thought Drew might have done it. He tells her he will protect Drew from his rage even if it’s against his own will (that’s fine for Drew but who’s going to protect us from these woeful characters?) he leads Elena to believe he doesn’t know where Drew is but he’s actually there with Nicholas (albeit he can’t hear what’s being said as he’s in a separate room)
At the hospital Chris remains hell bent on believing that it was Bo who set the fire while Heather is told he has spinal chord damage but more won’t be known until Bo has surgery.
In Sue Ellen’s room she’s feeling a desperate need for the sauce and is frustrated that she can’t go home. The doctor tells her she can recommend some great programs if Sue Ellen wants to get help (‘been there, done that and the t-shirt is hanging up in the wardrobe’ is what Sue Ellen should tell the doc) Enter Bobby who tells Sue Ellen about Pamela’s overdose (Is there anyone in the hospital-whatever happened to Dallas Memorial-who doesn’t know about it? Bobby should just make an announcement over the speaker system)
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They talk about the fire, Sue Ellen doesn’t remember much. Bobby he tells her he found her in John Ross’s room and asks what she was doing there. She says she was hungry and went downstairs to get something to eat (doesn’t really answer his question though) enter John Ross who is swiftly ejected by Sue Ellen who tells him to get out. Bobby says ‘Christopher is not here to stop me this time John Ross’ (and neither is the chicken!).
Sod’s law the only person who wants to be nice to him is Emma and he doesn’t want to know. ‘We didn’t make love, we screwed’ he tells her (don’t sugar coat it John Ross, tell her how you really feel!) she tells him she didn’t send the sex tape to Pamela. John Ross tells her they’re now strangers. She tells him they’re still business partners (what business have they ever done?) and that ‘we can do great things together’ even though they’ve yet to do a single great thing together.
Elesewhere Nicholas and cartel psycho Luis are having a man to man chat. Luis tells Nicholas that if he fails to stop Drew putting an end to his vendetta against the Ewings (seriously, does anyone care about any of the Ramos characters?) then Nicholas will have failed them again and Drew will pay with his life (wouldn’t a more effective threat be for Nicholas to pay with his?) apparently Nicholas was entrusted with investing $600,000,000 for the cartel and screwed it up (that Nicholas!) and that the cartel needs Ewing Global to fund their takeover of the Mexican government (this show gets weirder and weirder)
Back at the hospital Judith arrives to collect Emma and while doing so tells Bobby that Harris kissed Ann. Bobby is rather peeved by this news and goes off on Ann about it. (I really think Ann and Harris would make a much better couple than Bobby and Ann who are pretty boring together. Instead of Ann they could always bring Pam back with a recast or have April brought back following a séance. Judith could perform it to add to her list of many talents, business woman, brothel owner, coke snorter, paranormal investigator, it all fits really well)
Anyway, Bobby storms off after telling Ann that she looked him in the face and she lied…again! (what a hypocrite! who’s the person that’s been covering up the framing of Cliff Barnes for a crime he didn’t commit all this time) he goes to Southfork and is in one of the burnt out rooms when John Ross comes in. Bobby tells him if he wants to be a better man to be one. (Look who’s talking! I remember when Bobby was a better man, not the grouchy, angry person he is today)
Bo has his surgery and it goes well. For the first time ever Chris cuts someone some slack and asks that Bo be allowed to recuperate for a bit before being grilled (the real reason is that he wants to wait for Bobby to come back as he can’t do anything without him)
At the Ryland house Emma is feeling upset about being dumped by John Ross. Judith tells her to nurture her hurt until she can take vengeance on those who’ve wronged her (pretty much all of Dallas then)
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Elena finds out from John Ross that Pamela received the sex tape following which Elena calls Nicholas and tells him she knows he sent the tape and tells him to call her back ‘right now’ which of course he doesn’t do because he’s too busy keeping dull Drew captive.
John Ross goes to see Pamela (she’s so rich her hotel room has patio doors!) he says he’s been trying to see her. He tells her he never loved Emma and he has no excuse for what he did and asks for another chance. Her gives her the plastic ring he gave her, but she swiftly drops it in the trash. She tells him she didn’t try to kill herself, she took the overdose so that from now on when John Ross thinks of sleeping with Emma (not sure he ever will to be honest) all he’ll be able to see will be Pamela on the floor with her eyes rolled back in her head ‘sexy huh?’ is what she says to him (er, not really Pamela, no) (I think the less said about it all the better, more and more it seems as if the makers of this incarnation of Dallas are asleep at the wheel and judging by the ratings a crash is imminent)
It seems as though crazy Pamela has resurfaced-it’s easy to see how she’s related to Katherine, Pamela and Cliff not so much.
Meanwhile Sue Ellen is in the hospital gift shop. She picks up a wedding card which causes her to have a flashback to the night of the fire. Apparently she went into John Ross’s room and helped her self to his bourbon (again, how irresponsible to have alcohol in the house with an alcoholic nearby-did no one think to remove it all beforehand?) before setting fire to a wedding invitation of John Ross and Pamela’s (as you do) she’s that in need of a drink she then takes a five finger discount of some extremely cheap looking aftershave and then finds a deserted corridor (wouldn’t a bathroom stall be more private?) before struggling against taking a swig of it. Thankfully she doesn’t do it (for me sober, strong Sue Ellen is infinitely more interesting than drunk) she goes to see Bobby and Ann in the waiting room and apologises, telling them she believes she started the fire (shouldn’t they be apologising to her? After swearing they’d help her they then neglect to do the most basic thing of ridding the house of all alcohol, but they seem not to be even the slightest bit guilty) she tells them she’s an alcoholic and will be until the day she dies and Ann hugs her (why is Ann the only person who dishes out hugs on Dallas?)
This lets Bo off the hook who’s being questioned when Chris enters his room (for once he isn’t with Bobby) they make peace as Heather and Michael enter before Chris leaves, no doubt feeling the outsider to a close family scene.
At Southfork (which despite the blazing fire only seems to have one room damaged) Bobby and Ann are having a heart to heart. Bobby says he wonders what secrets she’s keeping from him (again look who’s talking!) Bobby says he should stay and oversee the rebuilding and repairs to the place (this will be in vain but should a season 4 happen, please can we see a return to the original floor plan) Ann asks if he’s kicking her out and he says he needs ‘some time to figure things out’ (that would be a yes then) and she leaves (go see Harris Ann!)
Back with the fiendish Nicholas he and one of the cartel members have Drew. It turns out that it was Drew who started the fire. Drew swears he will destroy the Ewings (I can’t wait to see the back of the whole Ramos revenge plot, the whole story is totally stupid and ill thought out. I’d rather see the McKays return than I would watch this-whatever happened to Drew not being able to live with his guilt?) Nicholas tells him the Ewings will pay as Luis enters. He mentions the money he lost for the cartel. Drew says Elena would despise Nicholas if she knew the he was using her and that they both knew he was dead the moment Nicholas brought him to the cartel. Drew is then ordered up and his St Christopher’s medal is removed (that did him a lot of good) before he says he will save Nicholas a seat in hell before he is shot in the head by the cartel henchman. I honestly can’t say I’m sorry to see the back of him, he was a very weak character right from the start.
Boom, another 'delicious' moment for Dallas TNT

Boom, another ‘delicious’ moment for Dallas TNT

Next: Episode 10 ‘Dead Reckoning’

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Season 3 episode 8- ‘Where there’s smoke’

I should have posted this ages ago, but for anyone who wants/needs a catch up-here it is! I thought this episode was ok, certainly better than the previous week though quality wise it isn’t much better or worse than the previous episodes. Sadly, at the moment, Dallas 2.0 is still nothing to write home about.
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The episode opens with Dallas 2.0’s most pointless character pacing the floor of her apartment when Nicholas enters via the elevator (why doesn’t this man have more important things to do, a self made billionaire with no end of time on his hands! When he’s not entangled with Mexican drug cartels that is) Elena and he hug, she says she can’t forget the ‘tortured’ (that’s one word for it!) look in Drew’s eyes over everything that JR did to their family (not that he did anything because the Ramos family don’t exist in the original Dallas) I’m glad to hear her actually admit that it was only JR (even though it wasn’t) that did anything to her family (they would be the ones that are slowly taking over Dallas) why then does she continue her quest for ‘justice’ (yawn!) against the Ewings that have been good to her? Truly another nonsensical plot development from the production team that also can’t decide which direction Dallas 2.0 should actually go in, is it a family drama or a crime thriller, a feud between two cousins or a feud between an extremely bland family and their would be employers? Who knows! Elena says ‘this has all gotten way too ugly (is she talking about her ridiculous so-called quest for ‘justice’ or Dallas itself?) she sounds like she wants to back off but Nicholas pushes her to continue. I think she should maybe question why it’s her family that’s been wronged but Nicholas (who first didn’t grow up with her family, then he did, then the family were in Mexico, then they weren’t…) is the one who’s pushing for it to continue.
Over at Southfork John Ross is talking with people who have come to measure up Southfork for an extension (of course if Mrs C and co had just stuck to the original interior design of the house-and who cares whether or not it defies reality-they would have ample room! He’s talking designs with them when Angry Uncle Bobby appears (I preferred the character in the original, he’s nothing but grumpy in this incarnation) He tells John Ross that he’ll build on Southfork over ‘his dead body’ (which is likely to be the end result given how high Bobby’s blood pressure must be from yelling at John Ross all the time!)
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Rant over Bobby struts off to find his chicken while John Ross gets back to it. Inside John Ross (who never learned how to do joined up writing) has left Pamela a note telling her to follow the trail of rose petals for a morning surprise! (I wish the surprise had been the original interior sets of Southfork but alas no) As she follows them she sees the sex tape vid of John Ross and Emma that Nicholas sent to her, setting off in her what I can only describe as Pamela II: The Rage! (Cue opening credits!)

John Ross you son of a bitch! (No offense to Sue Ellen)

John Ross you son of a bitch! (No offense to Sue Ellen)


Upstairs Chris awakes and looks at the marks on his hand from his fist fight with Drew (the one where he let Drew get away and didn’t bother notifying the police for a few hundred hours) he shaves his beard off (just to give him something to do whilst he and Bobby can team up against John Ross again) he goes to see Heather, who’s busy feeding the cattle, with a thermos of hot chocolate (surely far too rich for that time in the morning!) and a box of something (hope it’s not Bobby’s chicken!) He tells her that she’s a breath of fresh air in his life (and in TNT Dallas in general) and that if she’ll have him he’d like to take the next step in their relationship (which is presumably resigning as Bobby’s deputy and teaming up with her instead) she tells him that she can’t risk her son having his heart broken by another man no matter how much she wants him in her life (sounds pretty clear to me but Chris persists nonetheless-can’t blame the guy for trying!) Heather then gets a call that Bo went to Michael’s school and took Michael (gasp!) the two race off.
Back at the house John Ross finds that Pamela is missing (he’s just lucky she hasn’t used her telekinetic powers to destroy the place!) he gets a call from Bum (glad he’s back, I still think he should have his own spin-off) Bum tells John Ross that he has the information on Candace and that they have a problem. Over at the market Carmen (Personally I don’t like the character, mainly because the Ramos clan have been shoehorned into the backstory of the original when everyone knows they were never there to begin with and are badly written, bland characters who don’t add anything of value to the show) is shopping for fruit and veg-making sure she gets her five a day-when she’s approached by Drew who tells her he ‘needs to make things right’ (and he can start by leaving Dallas for good and taking Carmen, Elena and Nicholas with him) every scene between the Ramos family just feels very flat and forced to me, but I’m sure they have their admirers somewhere. He gives Carmen a letter to give to Emma (no doubt it says ‘if you’re planning a threesome, please don’t forget to invite me’) before he leaves again.
Over at Southfork Ann and Sue Ellen are talking about Sue Ellen’s struggles with the bottle, Ann tells Sue Ellen she’s proud of her for facing it. (when I first read Sue Ellen was going to start drinking again I was quite interested to see how it would develop, however now I think they should never have gone down that road. All it’s done is serve to weaken a character that was much more interesting at the start of the series as a wealthy, confident businesswoman who had exercised her demons and who was going for even greater things by trying to get elected as governor of Texas. I personally think they should have had her win the election)
As Ann makes them both a brew Sue Ellen looks down the hallway and sees water coming from under Pamela’s bathroom door. Running in they find Pamela (John Ross obviously didn’t look too hard!) sitting by an overflowing bath tub staring into space. After bringing her back into the bedroom Sue Ellen asks her what the matter is and Pamela hands her the phone with the sex tape on (is there anyone in Dallas who hasn’t seen it by now?) They do their best to reassure Pamela that the affair between John Ross and Emma is over. Pamela is upset that they both know about it (it’s funny how short a memory everyone has in Dallas, this is the woman who came to town having perpetrated a con to defraud her own cousin of his methane patents-whatever happened to that storyline-by marrying him and she also committed murder and had Rebecca Sutter also killed-that doesn’t seem to matter to Ann and Sue Ellen though, those ladies have hearts as big as Texas!) Pamela orders them both out.
Naturally after such a confrontation there’s nothing else for the ladies to do except crack on with a bit of housework which Ann does while Sue Ellen nervously eyes a bourbon decanter (so much for looking after her!) Sue Ellen says she needs to get out of the house (don’t we all) when Bobby overhears them talking. Ann has little option but to tell him about John Ross and Emma’s affair. He lays into Ann saying why is she keeping things from her husband and that they’re supposed to be partners (look who’s talking!) Needless to say he’s not too chuffed. Bobby believes it was Emma who sent Pamela the video and he wants her out of the house.
Of course he then goes to see Christopher, his second in command, but he’s got his hands full with Bo having taken Heather’s son, Michael, out of school and disappeared with him. Christopher sends Heather home and says he’ll check it out. Of course Bobby wants to come along.
Across town John Ross calls in to see Candace. John Ross tells her he knows she used to be a call girl and guesses she was working for Harris. He says if she tells him why Harris got the girls to come on to him at the brothel and why he wanted her to sleep with him then he’ll help her keep her apartment and pay her bills.
Over at pointless characters HQ Elena and Carmen are talking about Drew (yawn) Carmen says maybe Drew will go back to Mexico and stay there (let’s hope so, and with any luck he’ll take those two with him)
Meanwhile at Judith’s whorehouse John Ross pays her a visit and says Candace will testify that she and Harris tried to get him to sleep with a minor. Judith says Harris did what he did to protect Emma. Judith asks him what his intentions towards Emma are and that she and Harris will do everything in their power to protect her.
After John Ross leaves the book case swings open and out pops Emma (as you do) having heard the whole conversation. She doesn’t seem at all phased by John Ross’s revelations though that as a married man he isn’t intending to get serious with her.
In a multi-story car park somewhere Joaquin aka Nicholas (Dallas’s most unconvincing billionaire) is meeting with Drew who mumbles something about all the bad choices he’s made having been as a result of what JR did to his father (which of course isn’t true at all as the Ramos family have never existed in Dallas) Nicholas tells him he and Elena have put in place an ‘intricate plan’ which will take everything from the Ewings (of course it will)
Drew runs out and Nicholas follows but, being the champion runner he is (not to mention former army sharpshooter) he’s soon out of sight despite Nicholas chasing after him immediately. Anyway, Nicholas gets straight on the blower to the cartel mad man Luis and tells them Drew’s done a runner. (Let me just say that the whole, the cartel-personally I preferred the one that had Jordan Lee and Marilee Stone in it-needs Ewing Global to overthrow the Mexican government as completely ridiculous and another nail in the coffin of what could have been a very successful continuation of an iconic show)
Bobby and Chris get a call from Sheriff Derrick who tells them Bo’s car has been spotted at the rodeo and that Bo and Michael are there (phew, no more sleepless nights for me!)
Chris and Bobby head over there.
Over at Ewing Global John Ross gets a call from Emma (why doesn’t anyone’s phone ring on Dallas? It’s just endlessly vibrating handsets) he tells her Candace has told him about the dress. Emma says she’s being trained to take over Ryland Transport by Judith (does anyone still work there? Judith seems preoccupied with her brothel and Harris is shacked up with the CIA-who’ll be doing the training?)
Chris arrives at the rodeo and Heather and Michael are reunited. Chris tells her that he’s in ‘all the way’ (of course we all now know that lasted all of 5 minutes!) Bo’s brother tells Heather that Bo picked a fight with five cops and then ran off (that Bo, such a keeper!) he tells Bobby, Christopher and Heather that Bo is heading for Dallas and ‘coming for everyone at Southfork’ (ooh scary!)
Nicholas tells Elena that Drew’s hopefully headed back to Mexico (I wish) Elena tells him that she can’t keep lying like this (the first sensible thing she’s ever said) and that she feels she’s been in a fog thirsting for revenge (actually it’s called a bad storyline) again she repeats the nonsense that JR hurt her father (no he didn’t)
Nicholas tells her she’s his destiny (actually the destiny for them all will be the television graveyard if the ratings don’t improve)
Ann goes to see Dallas’s favourite anti-hero Harris and tells him that Emma has to move back in with him (I think Ann should move back in too, she’s much better with Harris than she is with Bobby) one thing leads to another and Harris kisses her while watched by Judith.
Back at Boredom Towers Nicholas punctures Elena’s diaphragm (too bad she doesn’t make him wear a condom!)
Clumsy!

Clumsy!


Over at Southfork Sue Ellen finds Pamela standing outside. She tells her she kept her knowledge of John Ross’s affair to protect her from the pain. Pamela tells her that she’s not her and is not a weak, snivelling drunk (steady on love! actually Sue Ellen is 100 times stronger than Pamela Rebecca-who is actually a borderline psychopath with daddy issues-will ever know how to be)
Pamela tracks John Ross to the Omni Hotel using her phone (the wonders of modern technology!) and goes out. Sue Ellen gets on the sauce (how responsible of Bobby and Ann to keep a fully stocked drinks cabinet with an alcoholic in the house!) she’s as thirsty as ever and soon drains the bottle before finding more and subsequently passing out.
Over at the Omni John Ross and Emma are getting frisky when who should enter but Pamela (with Bobby’s chicken) she asks if she can join them while John Ross looks nervous (personally I didn’t have a problem with the threesome scene, but I felt it isn’t right for Dallas, it’s never what the show was about and while-in the original-they did push what were then television boundaries it felt more tastefully done)
dallas threesome
Things are getting steamy (that Josh Henderson is a very lucky chap) when Pamela begins choking (as you do) John Ross tells Emma to call 911. Over at Southfork a fire has broken out (just like in the original) but who lit it?! Bobby and Chris pull into the driveway and head inside shouting for Ann and Sue Ellen. Part of the ceiling then collapses!
Sue Ellen in mortal danger (and not for the first time!)

Sue Ellen in mortal danger (and not for the first time!)

Next: season three episode 9-Denial, Anger, Acceptance (the emotions of a Dallas TNT viewer)

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Season 3 Episode 7- ‘Like a Bad Penny’

Apologies for the lateness of me posting this. Personally I thought this episode was pretty weak, especially compared to the last few weeks which have seen a slow build up of quality and seeming to get better and now it all seems to be squandered again. It felt like a real chore to get through as I was watching it. If the show is lucky enough to be renewed for a fourth season I hope somebody somewhere has sat down and thought of bringing in some of the changes that fans have long been asking for on the show, at the moment it just feels like a very sad decline for what was once (at least the original series was) a ‘must see’ television show.

'We promise to keep Sue Ellen away from the drinks cabinet'

‘We promise to keep Sue Ellen away from the drinks cabinet’


As the episode opens Bobby and Ann (for once Chris isn’t with them) are meeting with the doctor where Sue Ellen is being held since last episode’s shock committal by John Ross of his own mother (the evil fiend!). Bobby and Ann are trying their best to persuade the doc to release Sue Ellen into their care. Bobby tells her that J.R. once had Sue Ellen committed to a sanitarium (and I seem to remember she had a private room that was tastefully decorated, for the 1970s, and her own corrupt private nurse that was on hand to be bribed whenever SE needed booze!) Anyway, the doc says that Sue Ellen cannot be released until the judge (that would be the crooked kinky one from last ep) views the admittance report (I wonder if the report references her huge shoulder pads from the 1980s?)
Next we see Sue Ellen herself in a day room looking anxiously around at the other patients (or service users) as they generally act in a ‘crazy’ fashion (I felt it was a very stereotypical way to depict people with mental health issues and quite unrealistic, from my experience anyway)
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At Ewing Global John Ross is in the process of firing his secretary (and I use the term extremely loosely) Candace (finally he’s noticed she doesn’t actually do any work) she begs him not to do it but old stone heart isn’t in the least bit persuaded. Outside he asks Bum to keep an eye on her saying ‘I’m cute, but not that cute’ before quoting J.R. (funny how J.R. seemed to have a saying for every single occurrence possible)
In her apartment Elena (double yawn!) is re-watching the sex tape of Emma and John Ross (purely for ‘justice’ purposes) she looks truly disgusted when Emma tells him to go and kiss his wife (I must admit the quality of the footage is excellent, I need to trade my video camera in for one of those hidden ones!) she gets a call, it’s her dim-witted brother Drew (he’s having trouble with his math homework) he tells her how guilty he feels about the part he played in the rig bombing in which Christopher and Pamela’s babies died (it’s a bit late for second thoughts now pal!)
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He says he can’t live like this anymore and wants to turn himself in but she tells him that doing that won’t bring them back (and sadly it won’t reverse the clock on this ‘continuation’ either) and that if he returns he will just ‘re open old wounds’ (you can say that again!) Nicholas (the billionaire entrepreneur who seems to have far too much time on his hands) sees her talking on the phone and asks her what’s wrong (Drew needs to work out the area of a pyramid) she tells him that Drew wants to return to Dallas but she thinks she’s talked him out of it (of course she has) Nicholas give her a file to throw Christopher off his case.
At Ewing Global John Ross is in his office (the one full of hidden cameras) when Pamela enters and asks him how he is, he tells her seeing Sue Ellen drunk took him back to his childhood when he tried to keep her away from the bottle (I don’t remember any such thing, John Ross always seemed like he hadn’t the foggiest notion she was an alcoholic) John Ross then mentions Sheikh Sharif Ali (J.R’s supposed last business partner) who has an interest in the arctic leases (naturally) but needs to partner up with an American company to get in on them. He suggests they pay him a visit.
Elsewhere in the office Chris approaches Elena saying that Nicholas has backed John Ross’s vote for the company to go public so that he can take control of it for himself. Elena (can the character be any more pointless) throws him off by saying she’s ‘found out’ who Nicholas was before 1997 (does anyone even care) she shows Chris some badly photocopied fake documents saying that Nicholas was Javier Hernandes (Cue the ‘real’ Javier entering Dallas in season 4 also to get revenge on the Ewings due to J.R. having broken into the orphanage and swapped birth records with Nicholas and Javier so that J.R. could get a postage sized stamp parcel of land that he originally had the rights to but then Jock sold it to Digger who gave it to Cliff who sold it to….etc etc) Chris asks her how she came by the information (since his ‘extensive’ search of asking a shopkeeper about Nicholas didn’t bear much fruit he’s astounded she’s cracked the case) she tells him she phoned the state archives in Mexico (if only he’d thought of that! or thought that since Carlos Del Sol couldn’t find anything it’s unlikely she came by the info so easily) Anyway, she says he did it so that his parents wouldn’t re-enter his life looking for money. Chris tells her he thought her taking the job at Ewing Global would bring them closer together but it’s moving them further apart (maybe next time he should try a bit of romance!)
Elsewhere a truck is entering Texas with former Dallas simpleton Drew aboard. The driver stops and lets him out of his secret hiding place in the back for Drew to get into the front (surely it would have been better for him just to stay hidden all the way to Dallas)
At Ryland Towers Harris is sacking Candace and asks her for the keys to her townhouse and the dress back (fired twice in one day the poor girl)
In the sanatorium Sue Ellen gets a visit from saintly Ann who has brought her a change of clothes (grey does nothing for Sue Ellen-she needs something with fur) Ann says Bobby is doing everything he can to get her released (which means he’s probably out somewhere trying to catch another lesser prairie chicken) Sue Ellen says she sees herself in Pamela and she wishes she’d told her about Emma and John Ross before saying that ‘John Ross is his father’s son’ (though I remember for a short time it looked like it could have been Cliff Barnes)
Candace runs into Emma who offers her a job working for Ryland Transport (shouldn’t she check with Harris and Judith that there is a job going) Candace says Harris just fired her.
In Las Vegas John Ross and Pamela are introduced to the Sheikh’s son, Prince Nasir, the prince is cheesed off because apparently J.R. told the sheikh that once he was in control of Barnes Global he’d reach out about the arctic leases but the Ewings have been in control for a while and not made contact (I guess no one told him that J.R. got shot dead and they spent a good deal of time trying to sort that mess out before finding out it was Bum all along) the prince tells John Ross that not only has his father been dishonoured but J.R’s name has been dishonoured too (I actually think J.R. would be extremely proud given that all he ever did was plot to blackmail, lie and swindle his way to power any way he could) Pamela tries to blame the problems on Cliff (doesn’t the sheikh know Cliff has been in prison for months?) the prince leaves to attend a poker game (when in Rome and all that)
In an underground car park Chris is approached by Drew who says he’s come to make up for what he’s done (the only way he could really make amends would be to leave Dallas immediately and take Carmen, Elena and Nicholas with him never to be mentioned or referenced on the show again) Chris, understandably, loses his rag and hits Drew a few times while we viewers are treated to unnecessary flashbacks to last season just in case we’d forgotten why Chris is so angry (or just in case any new viewers have stumbled onto the directionless mess that is Dallas 2.0 and need it explaining) Chris drives off (of course without first calling the police)
Chris arrives at Heather’s and she helps treat his badly chafed fist. He tells her she’s giving him a second chance at having a family (except it’s someone else’s) their deep intellectual conversation wakes up Michael (aka the Village of the Damned child) so Chris plays with him (he’s such a keeper!)
'You are under my power. I want cookies NOW!'

‘You are under my power. I want cookies NOW!’


Back at Ryland Towers Harris is using his laptop (probably shopping online for either a dress or a dog costume) when Emma enters and asks why he had Candace try to seduce John Ross. She says he’s a better man than they thought because he didn’t do anything (except cheating on his wife with Emma-that John Ross has a heart of gold!) Harris then gets a manila envelope out (why are all sensitive documents in Dallas kept in envelopes or folders and then thrown around to all and sundry) he shows Emma mocked up pics (which don’t actually show anything and thus aren’t proof whatsoever) of John Ross with the underage hooker (do the CIA know about this?) he tells her that J.RIII is sleeping with her.
Over in Vegas John Ross and Pamela enter the room where the poker game is held and she tells the prince that she saw his wife admiring her earrings (the one’s Cliff gave her that were previously, supposedly, owned by Mad Kath Wentworth) the prince says they were owned by Catherine the Great (yeah Katherine the Great of Dallas!-when’s she coming back anyway) she hands them over to buy John Ross’s way into the poker game (the stakes must be bloody high!)
Back at Heather’s Chris is on the phone with Sheriff Derrick (should have phoned him earlier) he asks the sheriff to let him know when they find Drew. A sudden knock at the door is revealed to be Bo, drunk (and in the grip of Michael’s supernatural powers) he tells Heather he wants her back and then takes a swing at Chris but the clumsy tit misses and hits his head on the couch.
Back at the bore house Nicholas tells Elena he knows about the kinky vid that the P.I. sent her but Elena says she won’t be sending it to Pamela. Nicholas acts like he agrees but later calls said P.I. and asks her to resend the video to his email this time! (the crafty get!)
Back at the poker game John Ross doesn’t have enough to cover the raise so he throws J.R.’s watch into the pot (as you do when playing a game of extremely high stakes with a bunch of very wealthy Arab sheikhs) John Ross has the winning hand but instead folds and then makes amends with Sheikh Sharif.
Pamela wants to know why he threw the game away (especially when she’d put up a pair of very nice, and doubtless very valuable, earrings) he said the watch was an albatross around his neck and without it maybe now he can be his own man (fair enough but what about the earrings!)
The next day Chris goes to see Bo who thanks him for taking him home. Chris offers Bo a job but Bo throws it back in his face saying he doesn’t need charity, prompting Chris to shoot back with a few home truths as Heather pulls up.
At the sanatorium the doc is talking to Bobby and Ann. She says she wants Sue Ellen to undergo a detox program before she’ll release her. Bobby assures her SE will get all the help she needs from them (this ‘help’ includes keeping the liquor fully stocked at Southfork and making no effort whatsoever to even hide it from Sue Ellen) Sue Ellen is released into their custody and they tell her they’re taking her back to Southfork to move in with them (while I was curious how the storyline of Sue Ellen’s return to drinking would play out at first, I feel now that it’s a real waste of a great character and a fantastic actress-Sue Ellen was much more interesting, for me anyway, at the start of the series where she appeared to have exorcised her demons, put the past behind her and was strong and successful & I still can’t see the point of taking the character down this road)
Meanwhile Drew is carrying a box helpfully marked ‘Drew’s stuff’ (just in case he, or we, forget his name which I must admit is a definite possibility given how dim witted the character is and how bland the whole Ramos clan are to viewers) inside he finds the evidence of J.R. having swopped the deeds between the Ewing land that owned by Drew’s beloved ‘papi’ (groan)
At Ewing Global Chris is telling Bobby that Elena found out who Nicholas was before 1997 but it’s a dead end. Bobby says it doesn’t matter as he’s going to place a call to his pal at Goldman Sachs who can control where the shares from Ewing Global going public will end up by underwriting the IPO (whatever that all means)
Anyway, Candace gets a visit from Emma at her townhouse. Emma asks what the real reason was that Harris wanted her to seduce John Ross so Candace, helpfully, spills the beans about the convoluted dress plot and Emma asks ‘was this the dress?’ holding up a pic of the hooker wearing it.
Over at Southfork Pamela and John Ross return from their trip to find Bobby, his pal Cal (of Goldman Sachs don’t you know) and Chris (Bobby’s Siamese twin) sat at the dining room (formerly living room) table. John Ross won’t accept Cal as the underwriter until Sue Ellen comes down the stairs (looking rather wobbly, hope she hasn’t been swigging the bathroom mouthwash) showing him that neither side has the bogus ‘supermajority’ they need to take the company public. John Ross agrees Cal can underwrite the IPO (and Bobby gives him a chicken for protection) John Ross tells Sue Ellen he only had her taken away to help her but she says he only did it to help himself (she’s sharp!) Emma returns with the dress (seems she’s planning on using it herself, it would go down a storm at the Oil Baron’s Ball with all those seedy old lechers around!)
At Elena’s old place she walks in to find Drew studying the deeds (and looking for a colouring book) he asks her how she came by them. Naturally (which is an annoying trend in this episode) rather than her explain we’re treated to more pointless flashbacks showing what happened. He says their father died for nothing and she tells him that she and Joaquin are working on a plan (which is doomed to failure) to get ‘justice’ (yawn!-it’s only the 6000th time she’s said that word since the start of the season) Drew runs out saying the time for planning justice is over (and sadly the time for Dallas 2.0 may be over also if the show doesn’t make vast improvements soon)
Meanwhile John Ross gets a call from security, someone is on the ranch to see him. It’s the prince from Vegas, the sheikh has had a change of heart and will supply the capital to allow J.R.III to buy Ewing Global when it goes public. John Ross says the sheikh will be his partner, then the prince returns John Ross’s watch as the sheikh thought John Ross actually wanted it (now where are the earrings?) John Ross looks a bit gutted to have it back.
Elena is on the phone to Nicholas, telling him Drew just ran out. Nick says he will use every resource he has to find him (the problem is that he doesn’t seem to have any. For a self made ‘billionaire’ he seems to have none of the trappings of such wealth whatsoever)
John Ross and Pamela are in bed together when a message flashes up on her cell phone it’s the sex tape of John Ross and Emma lovingly sent by Nicholas (I hope she returns the favour and gets him something equally nice at Christmas)
Nicholas meets with Hunter McKay (I thought we’d see him again, however I now think my theory about Carter reappearing and Tracy coming back will never happen)
Hunter says that when Nicholas offered him the chance to take down the Ewings (isn’t there anyone in Dallas who doesn’t have an axe to grind with them) he didn’t mention anything about the Mexican gangsters-with guns no less! Nicholas takes him to the cartel (yawn, this storyline with the endless Mexican gangsters goes from bad to worse as does the fracking, now the going public, then Sue Ellen’s drinking) he tells them that the Ewing Global IPO is moving forward and that when it happens he will buy enough shares for them to take over the company so they can launder their drug money through it for years to come (with so many enemies it’s a wonder the Ewings bother getting out of bed every morning!) the cartel head says that if it doesn’t work Nicholas’s children will be harmed so naturally Nick then asks if they’ll help him find Drew (as you do when someone’s just threatened to hurt your children)

Next- ‘Where there’s smoke’

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Season 3 episode 6- ‘Like Father Like Son’

Again this episode was ok, the slower pacing is a definite improvement. The problem, for me, is that as a drama it pales in comparison to some of the other shows on TV today, and as Dallas it’s really not that good either (I would say, quality wise, it’s about level with the later, more maligned, seasons of the original show) That said I do hope it stays on the air because if it gets cancelled surely no one will touch Dallas again for many years, if ever again and it does seem to be, finally, moving somewhat in the right direction.

Anyway, the episode starts at Ewing Global, John Ross is on the phone yammering about his permit being cancelled when local perv Stanley Babcock had already approved it. He’s told to take it up with the new Rail Road Commissioner, who we all know, is Bobby (sure he can’t wait to help John Ross out!)
Sue Ellen watches him and upon seeing her he storms into her office. ‘What were you thinking?!’ he lambasts his poor mother, ‘I was only with Emma to get the drill ships’ he tells her. Sue Ellen says he’s drunk on power! (I can’t believe she’s only just noticed!) he says he may be, but she’s just drunk (touché!) and says her decisions are those of an irrational alcoholic.
Next he runs into Bobby and Christopher (Bobby should just carry Chris around in his top pocket, the poor guy has no life without him) they both lay into John Ross a bit. Bobby says he’s ok being the new RRC because he’s divested his shares (er, what shares?) to Christopher (I never would’ve guessed!) He also says that J.R.’s plan was for them all to work together (Er no, J.R’s plan was to frame an innocent man for murder) John Ross wipes the smug looks off their faces though when he calls Bobby a hypocrite (too true, Bobby has almost never stopped shouting at John Ross for one thing or another since 2012, hardly ‘working together’)

'Say hi to Deputy Chris!'

‘Say hi to Deputy Chris!’


Next Chris approaches Elena (to show off his new deputies badge) he asks her if she’s found out anything about Nicholas they can use as it appears that he’s had his past ‘professionally cleaned’ (wonder what products they used) she tells him she’ll look into it. Try as I might I just can’t warm to Elena, I just don’t see what the purpose of the character is or why the Ramos family are continually forced on us at the expense of other characters and storylines, when they’re easily the most pointless and boring characters on the show.
Anyway, in a panic Elena texts Nicholas and when he arrives (doesn’t this ‘billionaire’ have anything better to do than follow Elena around?) she tells him that the Ewings are trying to find out who he is, that they know he’s changed his identity and that if they do they’ll find out his connection to her (let’s hope so!) he says they won’t find anything, that his cover story of him being an orphan living on the streets is airtight (course it is). He tells her to work on turning Pamela and he’ll work on John Ross.
Nicholas approaches John Ross in the boardroom and tells him he can’t believe the company is going to pass on the arctic leases, he calls them a ‘once in a lifetime opportunity’ (I wouldn’t go that far) John Ross offers him a drink of J.R’s special blend (and this time it’s not bugged-though I’m surprised that they keep liquor in the office with Sue Ellen nearby) John Ross says they should put down their swords and Nicholas suggests they go for a drink after work (BFFs already!)
Over by the coffee Elena runs into Pamela and suggests an after work drink ‘the boys shouldn’t have all the fun’ she says (trust me they won’t be having any) Pamela likes the idea she asks if she should invite Emma (NO!!) Elena says the more the merrier (though in this case it’s the fewer the merrier)
Over at Southfork Ann (another side lined character) is riding on the ranch when she happens across everyone’s, least, favourite minx Emma. She thanks Ann for letting her back on Southfork, and says she realises John Ross was only using her. Ann tells her she’s glad Emma realises it adding ‘you have so much more to offer men than just sex (er, no, she doesn’t) then she says she never really understood unconditional love until Bobby (and now she understands it even less than before!)
Speak of the devil back at Ewing Global Bobby sees Nicholas leaving the office and goes up to him. Nicholas says Bobby’s taking a circuitous route to stop John Ross fracking by becoming the new RRC. Bobby retorts that he’s been surprised to find out how many subsidiaries Trevino Industries has and tells him the Rail Road Commission is not as friendly as it once was (now that Babcock can spend all day chasing women in fancy dress there’s a new man in town!) Nicholas says it sounds like a threat (just a bit)
Next John Ross and Nicholas (who must have moved like lightning) are in a bar, John Ross’s secretary (who is yet to actually be seen doing any work) Candace approaches and comes on to him but John Ross quickly gives her the brush off.
Nicholas returns with the drinks and the two have a toast. Nick tells John Ross he sympathises but his hands are tied because he’s working for Cliff. John Ross asks him to talk to Cliff. Elsewhere in the bar a celebration is going on, John Ross turns to watch a parade of ladies going by and sees Hunter McKay (Supposedly West Star exec Carter McKay’s grandson) John Ross tells Nicholas how Carter and J.R. used to do battle back in the day just as Hunter sees him and beckons them over. (I thought it was a nice nod to an original series character, though as usual with Dallas 2.0 it actually raises more questions than it answers. Now we’re left to wonder who Hunter and his mystery brother’s parents are, psycho Tommy or man eating shrew Tracey, and how is it that they could have played Basketball with John Ross and Christopher when they must be at least 10 years younger)
Over at Southfork Ann and Sue Ellen are having a brew. Sue Ellen says she thought she was doing the right thing in teaming up with Bobby against John Ross. Ann says they’ve both practiced tough love with their children with her throwing nympho Emma off Southfork and that it seemed to work, John Ross and Emma are no longer having their affair. Sue Ellen says she hopes so and that she just wished it hadn’t cost her John Ross.
sueellenann2a
Back at the bar Hunter McKay is busy telling John Ross about taking his company public and how the best part of it was that he could buy up the controlling interest himself. It is also made clear that Carter McKay is still alive (as is George Kennedy. Just strictly guessing I would say that Carter McKay will make a reappearance and so will Tracey-Beth Toussaint who played her is still acting, and she will be the ‘old flame’ that is supposedly set to give Bobby reason to be tempted to cheat on Ann, perhaps also she will reveal that Hunter is Bobby’s son?)
Across town Elena, Pamela and Emma are on their wild night out. Pamela says she wishes Candace would stop flirting with John Ross (and actually get some work done for a change!) Elena gets her phone out and shows the other two a pic showing off Candace’s rather large knockers saying that Jill and the others have a betting pool going on for how short Candace’s dress is going to get. Emma asks how she can type with her large chest in the way (the answer is she doesn’t type. At all. Joan Harris from Mad Men should come over and show her how it’s done) Pamela says she hopes John Ross wouldn’t cheat on her and Emma (the slut) and Elena (the nutcase) reassure her how much John Ross loves her and that he wouldn’t cheat.
Back at Southfork Pamela is getting ready for bed when John Ross comes in. He says he thinks he’s found a way to solve their problems and get Cliff out of their lives for good (I’d much rather he got rid of Elena, Carmen & Drew) but he’ll need her help.
At the stables Elena is meeting with a P.I. who says they’ll put surveillance into John Ross’s office and penthouse. She tells Elena (on receipt of several photographs and a large wad of cash) ‘if he’s cheating we’ll find out’.
The next day Heather is throwing sacks around when Deputy Chris enters (looking for Bobby no doubt) Heather says she’s glad John Ross’s fracking operation has been shut down for good (well it’s been shut down, but hardly likely it will be for good) the two make out. They are interrupted when Bo pulls up to drop off Michael. ‘Hope I’m not interrupting something’ he says (only a very tedious storyline) they argue (I think Heather seems like she’s still hung up on Bo, queue new heartbreak for Chris, not to worry though, Bobby will fix everything) Bo drives off leaving Michael with Heather and Chris (I thought he told Chris to stay away from his family?) Chris takes Michael into the office with him saying that it’s ‘take a kid into work day’ (which means Michael should be the one taking Chris into the office) at Ewing Global Chris has a whale of time manoeuvring the model ships around the map while Michael sits looking totally bored.
Deputy Chris loves playing with the toy ships!

Deputy Chris loves playing with the toy ships!


Somehow Elena’s P.I. appears to now magically be working for Ewing Global as she struts over to Candace and tells her an error been made on one of Candace’s pieces of work (she works?!) of course Candace doesn’t say, ‘are you new? I haven’t seen you here before! What’s your name, let’s have lunch!’ she simply accepts what she’s told and goes off to sort it out while the P.I. slips into John Ross’s office (naturally unnoticed by an full office of people) and plants a hidden camera. Meanwhile John Ross enters and goes into Sue Ellen’s office, he tells her she was right and that cheating on Pamela was wrong but what she did and the way she did it was out of line. Sue Ellen tells him he hurt her. he says he needs her help to take Ewing Global public. She asks him if it’s really over with Emma then says she’ll support him but even with her shares (what shares?) he still won’t have enough for a supermajority. ‘Leave that to me’ says the cheeky scamp.
Across town he meets with Nicholas. John Ross tells him if he votes with him to take the company public they can get the arctic leases and ‘freedom from those who hold us back’. He also offers Nicholas 3% (generous!) of royalties on all oil produced to sweeten the deal.
At Southfork Chris is dropping Michael off with Heather. (The poor little kid has fallen asleep from boredom) Chris offers to help Heather out with money but she turns him down (and will no doubt be on his doorstep the following morning with a blank cheque)
Back at Ewing Global Candace is actually working(!) when she gets a text from Harris about their plan. She goes into John Ross’s office wearing the dress they want to use to frame him and starts to take it off (call me daft but I thought the idea was to get his semen on the dress, how will they do that if it’s in a corner of the office?) Anyway, he sends her packing but Sue Ellen sees her leaving and jumps to conclusions about what’s just happened.
Across town the encounter is seen, via the hidden camera in J.R.III’s office, by Elena and Nicholas (who are looking for a way to spice up their love life and figure voyeurism ought to do it)
Elena (yawn!) thinks they’ve got it wrong about John Ross being a cheater. Nicholas tells her about John Ross’s plan to take E.G. public and says they could take the company for themselves, that the Ewings took everything from her (no the didn’t) and that it will help her get justice (no it won’t) by taking everything from them.
In the office the next day John Ross has his meeting to vote on going public. He, Pamela and Nicholas vote ‘I’ but Sue Ellen, convinced John Ross lied to her, votes against it.
Back at her house she’s in the process of having one (or several!) stiff drinks when John Ross enters and the two start to argue (I thought this scene really carried the whole episode, as Linda Gray’s performances are really carrying this season and to think they had her relegated to almost guest star status in the first series!) She tells him she saw Candace leaving his office and accuses him of lying, saying he’s an expert at it just like J.R. (she’s got that right!) he screams that ‘I’m NOT my father!!’ (calm down mate!) Sue Ellen drops the only swear word that exists in Dallas. John Ross asks her why she’s drinking again (maybe she’s thirsty?) before saying she’s haunted by the ghost of J.R. (and I wouldn’t be surprised if Nicholas Pearce’s ghost is knocking about somewhere too)
He is NOT his father!!

He is NOT his father!!


He storms out and outside decides to have her committed (as you do) He returns to his penthouse and Emma’s waiting for him with a file, he needs on a judge to get his court order to have Sue Ellen committed, but before she’ll hand it over she makes it clear what she wants (and that involves him giving her head) before she tells him to ‘go home and kiss your wife’ (not sure Pamela would appreciate that to be honest Emma) Of course there’s another hidden camera planted in his penthouse (along with the one in his shopping bag, the one in his car and the one in Ann’s shotgun) and the footage is seen by kinky Elena (who’s now hooked on watching other people have sex)
John Ross goes to see the judge and gives him the file which contains photos of him in kinky situations (the judge that is, not John Ross) isn’t anyone in Dallas on the straight and narrow?! John Ross gets his court order and Sue Ellen is taken into protective custody (maybe they’ll give her Judith’s old room)
Back at Southfork John Ross is sitting alone when Bobby, Ann and Chris enter laughing (having just watched the latest episode of Duck Dynasty) Bobby asks him why he’s sitting in the dark. John Ross tells them that Sue Ellen is drinking again and he’s had her taken away. He says with her incapacitated he’ll get her power of attorney and he’ll be voting to take Ewing Global public and there isn’t a damn thing they can do to stop him! (nothing like a spot of treachery to ruin a perfectly good evening) then he struts off in slow motion (to go brush his teeth)

Next week:- Episode 7 ‘Like a Bad Penny’

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Season 3 episode 5- ‘D.T.R’

This episode was ok, it was marred by the continued presence of Elena, though her screen time was minimal she still got more than Pamela who (when she isn’t acting ridiculously dumb) is an infinitely more interesting character and actually has a place in Dallas which Elena, Carmen & Drew most definitely do not. For me part of the problem of Dallas 2.0 is that it has never felt like Dallas. When I heard it was coming back, in 2012, I really looked forward to it and tuned in to watch the first episode. But since then the show has continually declined with endless (and often pointless) plot twists, everyone seems angry with each other all the time, someone’s always trying to outdo/blackmail/backstab someone else etc. it seems as though the show has little of the heart and warmth that helped make the original such a massive success. If Dallas does stay on the air (and I hope it will) I hope it does so with more of the family aspect which, I think, it seems to be seriously lacking at the moment as well as the Ewings being side lined in the show in which they are supposed to be the focus!

Anyway, the episode starts with John Ross and Pamela Rebecca coming back from their honeymoon. John Ross asks Pamela if she’s ready to go rule the world (she certainly is, but it won’t be with John Ross once she finds out what he’s been up to with Emma) In the limo Pamela says she feels she’s been asleep at the wheel for the last few weeks (do I spy a hint that she’s going to start taking notice of what’s going on around her and the writers are going to stop making her look like such an idiot?) John Ross asks the driver to go past the drill site so that he can see what progress has been made. As it turns out though, not much as Bo explains to him that a drill bit has been dropped down the well bore (whatever the hell that all means) and they need to get it out. John Ross asks him if they can all work that night, and threatens to replace them with another crew when Bo balks at the idea, finally though he relents. John Ross sees Bobby on horseback and gives him a mock cheery wave. Bobby stares back with his usual (I’m staring into the distance at nothing in particular) look.
Meanwhile across town Sue Ellen (is it just me or has the excellent Linda Gray been virtually carrying the whole show single handed this season?) is meeting with the Guv’nor (my favourite Dallas villain-of the new series anyway). She’s brought him a gift, it’s a bottle of J.R. branded bourbon (it’s a pity she couldn’t have brought him one of those J.R. dolls too) and asks him to ask Stanley Babcock (Dallas’s Rail Road Commissioner and kinky furry fancier) to resign, she knows he’s been involved in some shady activities. The Gov tries to brush her off, she tells him he’ll need a miracle when she announces how he was involved in the sabotage of the Ewing Energies rig and that good blackmail never sours (what’s good blackmail exactly, I thought all blackmail was bad!) the Guv says if she does that he’ll remind the voters about her being involved in bribery ending with blackmail may not sour but it curdles. She calls Bobby and says they’ll have to issue a reminder as to who’s really in control.

Who's in control? Sue Ellen is!

Who’s in control? Sue Ellen is!


In Nuevo Laredo (yawn!) Nicholas and Elena are meeting with Cliff (It’s great to see Ken Kercheval but please can we see him doing something else other than looking scruffy in a jail cell and yelling ‘I didn’t kill J.R.!’ Cliff says that the Ewings having taken his daughter is what hurts him the most. He gives them a pass on the firing range but says he’s disappointed the Ewings got to Rhonda. Nick remarks that the Ewings are very smart, Cliff hits back with ‘I’m paying you to be smarter!’ This is the man who can, supposedly, get someone killed with a phone call and yet he can’t find some way to get himself out of prison? Where are his lawyers when all this is going on? If he’s so wealthy surely they can find some evidence that he’s not guilty (like evidence that he was in Cabo the night of the murder), what makes him think Nicholas and Elena can actually get him out anyway? Nicholas is the world’s most unconvincing billionaire and Elena is Dallas’s most pointless character, if I was Cliff I’d start looking for someone else who could help. He should call Afton and ask her to sing a charity single with the proceeds going to fund his legal fees. There’s more guff about Elena’s totally nonsensical quest for ‘justice’ against the Ewings (the same Ewings who have been incredibly kind and patient with her considering the kind of rubbish she’s put them all through. Not to mention keeping her mother in a job and allowing Elena to come and go at Southfork like she lives there. As the pair get up to leave Cliff tells Elena (about Nicholas) ‘keep an eye on him’ (presumably because Cliff has heard that Nicholas outstrips Elena in the popular character stakes 10-1)
At Southfork Heather is in the stables when Chris enters and says that John Ross won’t be in charge much longer ‘there’s a plan’ he tells her. Then asks her out for a drink, ‘I’m not up for anything serious’ she tells him, good job then that Christopher is as much of a challenge as Elena when it comes to bedding someone and is well up for it.
At Ewing Global Bobby is inspecting the new office sculpture (soon to replace the awful Jock and Miss Ellie painting that STILL hangs at Southfork) while E.G. secretary Jill (who reminds me of Sly from the original) hovers nearby. Sue Ellen is in her office where she quizzes John Ross ‘are you still sleeping with Emma?’ John Ross says Sue Ellen just wants to punish him for how J.R. treated her before reminding her ‘I’m not J.R.!’ (He’s still got quite a way to go before that honour can be bewstowed upon him) Outside Christopher confronts John Ross and has another sanctimonious rant at him about peoples lives being ruined by John Ross laying them off (the amount of times Christopher rants at John Ross, usually from behind Bobby, I wish that John Ross would just knock him out) John Ross says that he will frack Southfork dry! (I hope he takes care of those alterations first)
Back at Southfork John Ross (who must have a private plane to fly him across town he moves that fast) has brought Emma a necklace from his honeymoon (though it looks like it came out of a Christmas cracker) and they talk business (well as much business as two people who know nothing about it can talk) John Ross tells her that the flash disc he gave to Harris has encrypted info on it and he still wants the Ryland ships. As he goes to leave he runs into Ann who asks him what he’s doing there ‘I forgot my briefcase’ is his totally unconvincing reply. She goes into Emma’s room and sees her admiring the cheap necklace. The two argue (and it was extremely satisfying to see Ann finally let loose on Emma-shame she took it all back two seconds later) Emma asks Ann ‘what’s your purpose around here?!’ (it’s er, er, Ann’s purpose? well it’s er, er….) before calling Ann a liar, an ex-drug addict and an attempted murderer! (if the shoe fits and all that) Ann finally loses her rag and orders Emma off Soutfork (and take Elena and Carmen with you!)
Speaking of which the dull twosome (Nicholas and Elena) are meeting with a state attorney who they ask for help in ‘bringing down the Ewings’ truly I hope that the conclusion of this storyline will see Elena (and the other Ramos family members) exiting Dallas for good.
Back at the ranch Ann rings Harris and tells him about her fight with Emma, he actually seems quite sweet in reassuring her that she didn’t screw up. Still, he knows better than to p*ss off the woman who once shot him! He gets the flash drive out of his safe and plugs it into his computer before calling his CIA contact. The two meet in a restaurant and Harris says he wants out but the CIA agent says he can’t and that Emma is safe as long as he ‘stays on the ride’. Then Harris reveals that he has evidence of offshore bank accounts where the agent’s put his payments for illegal black ops he’s done. Harris says he wants extra protection for his family (not including Judith-she can take care of herself) or he’ll go to CIA chiefs.
Back at Ewing Global Pamela sees John Ross talking to Candice, the secretary who never gets any secretarial work done, when she gets a phone call from Cliff who tells her that he knows she went along with the Ewings framing him for J.R.’s murder because she wants to punish him for hurting her babies and, just in case we all forget, he didn’t kill J.R.! she hangs up tearfully (actually quite a touching scene) I only wish Mrs C. and co hadn’t decided to keep exactly what happened in the last 20 years a total secret. If people actually knew what motivated Cliff to turn so evil-those who have a problem with his behaviour (like me) would find it easier to accept. But Cliff buried the feud with the Ewings so that cannot be the reason. My guess is it’ll have something to do with Pam’s death and or Katherine.
'I DIDN'T KILL J.R.!!!'

‘I DIDN’T KILL J.R.!!!’


Bobby and Sue Ellen also see John Ross with Candice. Sue Ellen says there’s nothing innocent about him (indeed!)
Elsewhere in Dallas Chris and Heather are in a bar drinking. Chris tells her that in high school he was captain of the basketball team and head of the science club (Christopher doesn’t like science!) Heather asks him about the girls he was with and who D.T.R’d (Defined The Relationship) She tells him she has a child.
Meanwhile the Guv and Babcock are talking. The Guv says there’s nothing illegal in Stanley being with the girl dressed as the dog for sex (besides the fact that it was an awful scene) except that she was a sex worker and that he paid her for services rendered. Also they discuss when the Guv goes for President in 2016 money will be laundered through the ‘usual accounting firm’. Unbeknownst to the pair however their conversation is being picked up by the bug planted in the J.R. bourbon bottle (how neat!) and listened into by Bobby and Sue Ellen who says to Bobby ‘the family that blackmails together, stays together’ (er, not exactly Sue Ellen and the Ewings haven’t acted like a proper family since the show started in 2012)
Heather and Chris arrive back at her place just as Bo (her ex) is dropping off their son, Michael. She has a go at him and says he has a gambling problem (I actually feel quite sorry for Bo, he’s got John Ross nagging in one ear, Heather in the other and Christopher looking down his nose at him). Bo tells Chris to stay away from Heather and their son before speeding off leaving Chris with Heather and their son. Seeing his opportunity to score brownie points with Heather Chris bonds with the little lad while discussing transformers (awwww)
Judith (who seems to have no discernible storyline) meets with Emma in a restaurant. Emma tells her that the Ewings want to lease their ships and looks rather pleased with herself before Judith informs her ‘we will not be doing business with the Ewings!’ But Emma counteracts her by handing over half of the files she got from Harris’s safe which detail all of Judith’s sordid dealings, particularly her rather interesting sideline of being a madame of underage prostitutes (I don’t know where she finds the time)
She tells Judith she’ll get the other half when she agrees to contract the ships. Then Judith tells her ‘never let a man screw you for nothing’ (oops, she really should have told Emma that earlier) and her girls play a very smart game because they’re always in control but a whore who gives without receiving is not only a whore but also a fool’. (The way that Emma and Judith-and Harris-seem to be getting weirder and weirder makes me wonder if they wouldn’t be better suited to a show like Bate’s Motel or American Horror story than Dallas) Judith ends her verbal savaging with ‘If you think John Ross loves you then you are a worthless creature’ (steady on Judith!)
Back at Ryland Towers Judith enters looking rather like the bride of Frankenstein (or Rylandstein in this case) She tells him that she’s had to give Emma the contract for the ships because of the info he’s kept on her and that they have to break Emma and John Ross up and get her to come back home. ‘Candice is working on it’ he says.
Back at Elena and Nicholas’s Hall of Justice they are looking through J.R.’s murder file looking for evidence of Cliff’s innocence (they should be watching the original series on dvd-plenty of evidence on there) when Elena sees a mystery scar on a photo of J.R.’s body (actually pretty morbid) Elena says ‘Cliff’s a terrible man’ (look who’s talking!) Nicholas says Cliff is a means to an end (the end being, hopefully, that the Ramos crew are leaving Dallas for good-given that they were never there in the beginning anyway).
Across town Emma’s wrapped up in a sheet, enter John Ross (who else) Emma says she wants a piece of the arctic deal and that they’ll have to start being more discrete. John Ross says he doesn’t want to stop seeing her.
Over in Nuevo Laredo (AGAIN! HOW MANY TIMES?!) Elena and Nicholas are back visiting Cliff in prison, Cliff says he always though Pamela knew he was framed but now realises she actually thinks he killed J.R. and that he had to tell Elena the truth about what happened to her father, even though it was devastating for her to hear (but of course nothing happened to her father because neither he, Carmen, Drew or Elena were ever there in the original no matter how many times the viewers are asked to believe that they were) Cliff says if Elena can turn Pamela against the Ewings she’ll help Elena get her justice (now that sounds like a good deal!)
Back at the ranch Ann is driving and sees Emma has returned. The two talk, both apologise to each other (it’s a shame because I thought Ann was great angry) and Emma says she’s stopped seeing John Ross. The two hug and it’s obvious that Emma is really quite evil. Harris arrives and tells Ann he’s got them more protection (I could really see in this episode what others have said about Ann and Harris having good chemistry, she has better chemistry with him than she does with Bobby) Again Harris is quite nice to her saying that she’s been a better parent to Emma than he ever was (while nervously eyeing her trigger finger)
Elsewhere Sue Ellen is playing the Guv the recording that she got through the bugged bourbon bottle cork. The Guv says it’s the reason politicians shouldn’t accept gifts, especially when they have J.R.’s name on them (too true!) He asks who Stanley’s replacement will be and (funnily enough) Sue Ellen has the perfect candidate in mind!
Over at Ewing Global John Ross receives the contract for the ships, duly signed by Rylandstein herself. Next he gets a text from Sue Ellen who tells him to turn on the tv. When he does he sees that Babcock is stepping down and the interim Rail Road Commissioner is Bobby! (looking very pleased with himself too, I’m just surprised he hasn’t appointed Christopher as his deputy)
This is my smug face!

This is my smug face!


John Ross goes berserk and storms into his office, closely followed by Candice until he shuts the door in her face. He calls Sue Ellen and says he thought they were allies but now he knows he has another enemy to watch out for. Listening to the message leads Sue Ellen into having another drink (though she does hesitate for all of 5 seconds first) I like how Sue Ellen’s return to ‘drinking’ means that she has a ladylike sip here and there from a cool looking hip flask. What happened to her visiting bars and gulping from a bottle wrapped in a brown paper bag?-and where are her massive shoulder pads!
Back at Ewing Global Bobby and Christopher sweep into the office more sanctimonious than ever and start haranguing John Ross straight away (I’m surprised he hasn’t taken a swing at either one the way they’re constantly on his back) Bobby gives John Ross a speech (while Christopher massages his shoulders) about Southfork being his trust and he’s the custodian of it (he must have forgotten that he’s only half custodian since John Ross also now owns half) John Ross retorts with ‘If you want to build a roadblock between me and Southfork go right ahead, if I’m as bad as my father ever was I’ll blow right past it!’ (you bloody tell ’em J.R.III!)

Next week:-‘Like Father Like Son’

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Season 3 episode 4- ‘Lifting the Veil’

It's a good thing Bobby doesn't bear grudges when he was asked to walk the woman who broke his son's heart down the aisle.

It’s a good thing Bobby doesn’t bear grudges when he was asked to walk the woman who broke his son’s heart down the aisle.


Having watched this episode a few times now I personally feel that it’s the weakest one of season 3 barring the first episode. Real opportunities to strengthen the show and mix in some of the history are squandered in favour of ridiculous, meaningless plot twists and scenes that will do nothing other than to hasten the show’s end. Not to mention more pointless 4 second cameos from much love original characters which can only serve to further alienate fans of the original. The show remains bland when it should be compelling, though there have been improvements in terms of pacing but little else in my opinion.
The episode opens with Christopher talking with Lucia Trevino. She tells Chris the reason why Nicholas didn’t exist before 1997 was because he wanted to distance himself from his life as an orphan living on the streets (er, would this be before or after the Ramos (yawn!) family took him in and before or after he moved in with their uncle?)
At Southfork John Ross and Pamela are in bed when his phone rings, it’s his secretary Candace calling to tell him he has a meeting with railroad commissioner (and Uncle Bobby’s close pal) Stanley Babcock, but he has to move fast as it’s within the hour.
Downstairs Sue Ellen tells Ann that John Ross and Emma are having an affair and that Emma should move out. Ann says that can’t happen (yes let it happen!) because it’s too dangerous with the threat from the cartel (que another naff storyline). Sue Ellen wants to tell Pamela, Ann does her best to talk her out of it.
Near the house John Ross runs into Emma and tells her that she may screw like a woman but acts like an attention starved little brat (ouch!) she tells him to go to hell and flounces off inside where she encounters Pamela tucking into a tasty looking piece of mango. It isn’t long before Sue Ellen enters and looks very conflicted as she sees the two women interacting. She leaves and knocks back some more sauce (all that’s missing is her shoulder pads!)
Drew (aka pointless character no. 1) calls Nicholas on his cellphone and tells him he feels ashamed for his part in making the bomb that killed Chris and Pamela’s babies (and presumably he’s also ashamed that his family have been shamelessly shoehorned into the history of the original and we’re all supposed to just swallow it) He says he’s thinking of handing himself in but Nicholas does his best to talk him out of it.
Back at Southfork Chris enters and he and Bobby go into the study (aka the dining room) Chris tells him Nicholas didn’t exist before 1997, Bobby says he’ll get Carlos Del Sol to look into it.
John Ross arrives at his meeting only to find Agent Ryland waiting for him instead. He tells John Ross that he wants the X-files back that were stolen from him but John Ross manages to haggle him down to an orange flash disk. Harris tells him to bring it to a certain address within an hour and he will get what he wants (in other words the never ending and rather tedious saga of drilling on Southfork may finally be coming to a close!)
Back at the ranch the ladies are getting ready for the wedding, and Afton is there (great to see her back) she seems to be rather bitchy when talking to Pamela, which isn’t the Afton I remember from the last time she appeared on the original but I guess it could be put down to her being in such close proximity to Sue Ellen who she’s never gotten on with.
John Ross calls Emma, apologises and asks her to meet with him and to bring the flash drive Harris wants. Downstairs Carlos Del Sol has arrived (everyone in Dallas can move extremely fast it seems) he tells Bobby he’ll find out what he can on Nicholas (if Nicholas is so wealthy and he and Carlos are both businessmen, how come he hasn’t heard of him before? in fact how come everyone hasn’t heard of him before, especially Christopher and John Ross? Are we seriously expected to believe that in 20 years neither Carmen, Drew or Elena or their beloved ‘Papi’ (while he was alive) never so much as mentioned Nicholas to any of the Ewings or even had so much of a photograph of him?!)
John Ross tries to sweet talk Emma and tells her that he needs the flash drive to put Harris back in jail and they can both take over his company, but Emma didn’t bring it. So he sends her off to fetch it while Harris calls and tells him time is running out.
Back at the ranch Christopher has a word with Nicholas who tells him that he knows he was in Mexico and if he wanted to know anything about him he should have asked (what I’d like to know is how long we have to put up with the Ramos family being forced down the viewers throats when it seems no one finds them in the least bit interesting)
Ray and Lucy are back (but naturally they are given very little to do besides standing around looking as though they’re joined at the hip-badly underused and another 4 second cameo to draw fans of the original in. Maybe they can’t come back full-time, but why can’t they be given something to do and drawn more into the story when they do appear? Big disappointment and another example of how the makers of Dallas 2.0 are badly not getting it)
Well loved characters again badly under used.

Well loved characters again badly under used.


Across Dallas John Ross arrives at the address Harris told him to go to and (naturally) it’s a brothel. Meeting Harris inside, John Ross goes with him to another room where he sees Stanley Babcock on a monitor enjoying a tryst with a woman dressed as a dog (WTF! this is Dallas’s most pathetic scene, of either series, so far. Why were so many scenes cut that would have made the episode better in favour of this rubbish?! Why were Afton and Ray and Lucy sidelined so this nonsense could take place? Truly it’s little wonder viewers are continuing to desert the series when this is the best the writers can come up with!)
Dallas sinks to a new low.

Dallas sinks to a new low.


John Ross goes into the room, at Harris’s invitation, to talk/coerce/harass the commissioner. Back at Southfork Chris talks with Elena and tells her Nicholas is married (she thinks he’s divorced-and why wouldn’t she, they only grew up as brother and sister after all, it’s only natural she’d have no clue whatsoever as to whether or not he’s married!) Christopher reminds her she wouldn’t marry him without his first getting an annulment from his marriage to Pamela (finally! Someone gets their own continuity straight)
Back at the Ryland whorehouse Harris won’t hand over the Babcock disc without first getting the flash drive from John Ross but he has yet to get it from Emma. Noticing that he isn’t yet back at the ranch and their wedding is due to start pretty soon, Pamela calls him and leaves him a message (‘Get back here NOW or you’ll wind up with Tommy!’ is what she should have said)
Meanwhile Bum (seriously this guy should be in the opening credits) finally gets the flash drive from Emma, who has been deliberately late in getting it to him, no doubt hoping it would scupper the Southfork wedding celebrations. Speaking of which, meanwhile Afton is slagging off John Ross to Sue Ellen, leading her to nip outside for another sly swig of the booze.
Back at the XXX-files whorehouse Harris tries his own efforts to compromise John Ross by introducing him to two illicit ladies. Luckily though just as they start to undress him (despite his protestations of being a married man (ha!) he’s interrupted by Bum’s arrival. Bum tells him that whatever is really on the flash disc is encrypted (it appears to only contain holiday pics so John Ross has Bum make a copy before handing the original over to Harris) The deal done, Harris swaps disc for disc and John Ross leaves but not before Harris has told him to stop sleeping with Emma (I think a lot of people would like that too)
Over at Southfork Nicholas tells Elena that though he’s still technically married he and his wife are getting divorced but the lawyers are still trying to strike a deal.
Upstairs (or down-I get lost with where all the rooms are in Soutfork these days) John Ross tells Sue Ellen that he’ll now be able to frack, but she tells him that she knows he’s having an affair with Emma and that she’ll tell Pamela if he doesn’t stop. He accuses her of being drunk and that it’s making her forget her loyalties.
Next he goes in to see Pamela who is now rather miffed at his tardiness to their own wedding. As if to highlight this Afton smacks him round the back of the head as she leaves the room (and presumably Dallas as inexplicably as Gary and Val did last season and are still NOWHERE to be seen!)
Pamela’s upset and tells John Ross that Cliff made the same excuses to her that he’s making every time he wasn’t there for her (this would be the same Cliff who would have absolutely loved to have been a father and would move heaven and earth to be with his daughter and doubtless would have showered her with love and affection and never have ordered the planting of a bomb on a rig that would have placed her in mortal danger and led to the death of his unborn grandchildren!) She seems to buy John Ross’s rather feeble excuses though eventually.
Outside the wedding finally begins as Bobby walks her down the aisle (I can’t help laughing at the collective amnesia of the characters who seem to have forgotten-in double quick time no less-that this is the woman who supposedly came to Dallas on the orders of her father intent on destroying the Ewings, married her (adoptive) cousin, murdered Tommy Sutter and would not have been seen dead marrying John Ross-all hail St. Pamela of Dallas!) Just as the ceremony begins it cuts off and we don’t get to see it (I don’t have a problem with this as it’s the same as what happened when Clayton married Miss Ellie in the original, but what I do have a problem with is the fact that we could have seen more if somebody hadn’t decided that it’d be much better to slot in a scene in a brothel and someone frolicking around with a woman dressed as a dog!)
Anyway, at the reception John Ross approaches Bobby at the bar and tells him he’ll soon be fracking Southfork as Babcock now sees things his way. Bobby tells him he’ll never drill the ranch (he should put his mind to those alterations instead) Bobby then calls Babcock, has a bit of a whinge and puts the phone down.
He’s seething until Sue Ellen tells him she has a way to stop John Ross drilling.
Speak of the devil, he and Pamela leave on their honeymoon (no doubt a faceless hotel somewhere) while Christopher preoccupies himself by leading Heather into the barn for a steamy make out sesh.
Across town Senor Trevino enters his penthouse only to find his wife waiting for him (I must admit I do like the chemistry between the two actors, when the Ramos family leave perhaps Nicholas and Lucia could stick around to keep making things difficult for the Ewings, I certainly buy them as a couple much more than I do Nicholas and pointless Elena)
Lucia tells him she doesn’t want to get divorced and wants to try again for the sake of their children. If he doesn’t go along with her (it’d be hard not to-she seems very persuasive) she says she’ll grass him up to the Ewings. This seems to persuade Nicholas that doing what she wants might be for the best after all.
In the brothel Harris is told the ‘madame’ wants to see him and, of course, she turns out to be none other than Judith (Coke snorting, CIA, prostitution-is there no end to this woman’s talents?!) Don’t get me wrong I think Judith Light is excellent and I really like her on Dallas but the writers seem to be making her and Harris into more and more of a cartoon couple, they seem to get more ridiculous with every episode. Plus Judith barely looks a day older than Harris let alone old enough to believably be his mother (isn’t it funny how the Rylands are more popular than the Ramos family yet seem to be getting dumbed down while the very unpopular Ramos clan are still being forced down our throats) Anyway, Harris shows her pics of John Ross during his earlier encounter with the ladies who clumsily attempted to seduce him. Judith isn’t impressed until Harris announces his plan to blackmail John Ross with a semen stained dress, (one of the ladies that John Ross encountered earlier is actually 16 thus they plan to say he committed statutory rape if he doesn’t do what they want-the plan seems massively convoluted if you ask me) all that’s missing is the substance itself which Harris announces he will get with the aid of Candace, John Ross’s secretary! (Yawn! er, I mean Gasp!)
Next episode:- D.T.R.

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